Sheep hole

 D (17 y/o): I'm digging a sheep hole. Sheep are very stupid.

This started to make a little more sense when I realised she was playing minecraft online with a friend. A very little more sense... 

Lights

There's nothing quite so laden with sarcasm or passive-aggression than an older sister 'communicating' with her younger brother.

D (15 y/o): You forgot to turn off your bedroom light again... You know, you should really consider opening your curtains and letting the sun light up your room. It's really convenient.

Research by scientists

While playing a computer game, and receiving some good reward from a random draw...

C (11 y/o) : I think scientists need to do research on me, because of how amazing my luck is.

Ice-cream colour efficiency

Me (discussing pre-Easter holiday food shopping needs): Have we decided what we need to buy at the shops?

C (13 y/o): Ice-cream!

D (15 y/o): Yes - we need the tub with the three coloured ice-cream.

S: (9 y/o): Sometimes you can get it in only two colours.

Announcements

S (9 y/o): I almost always announce when I fart. Even when I'm at home. I'm not going to lie about it.

Exploding chickens

C (12 y/o, shouted without context at the kitchen table): "Don't explode my chickens! I need them!"

I think it's something to do with Minecraft, possibly?!?

Learn grammar

C (10 y/o): Go away and learn grammar!

Shouted to rebut some ludicrous and factually inaccurate aspersions his younger sister was attempting to cast in his direction. Solid come-back, boy-child ;-p