Mombies

Talking about zombies at the kitchen table:
9 y/o: I can't understand how people can be tired and want coffee, because it keeps you awake.
4 y/o: Mom-bies are when you're a Mommy and have four kids and no coffee.
5 y/o (chanting): Mommy is a zombie! Mommy is a zombie!

The Fish Finger Compels You

Daddy (to 4 y/o): Please finish your dinner.
4 y/o: I'm just having a staring competition with these fish fingers
Daddy: Why?
4 y/o (after a thoughtful pause): Because the fish want to.
Daddy (looking quizzically): ...
4 y/o (having a revelation): because we're all aliens!

Absent Parenting

Daughter (4 y/o, accusingly): You weren't there when I was born, Mammy!

Choices

Son (5 y/o): Daddy, will you help me to save the universe, or destroy it?
Daddy: Erm, save it?
Son: Good. That means four of us will save it: Mammy, Me, you and Daughter1; and two will try to destroy it: Daughter2 and Daughter3.

I should clarify that this came out of nowhere. I should probably investigate why two of my darling daughters are planning to destroy the universe, and whether I'll be expected to pay for it...

Not now

4 y/o is lying on the dining room floor naked, wrapped in her favourite unicorn blanket:

Daddy: Would you like to get dressed?
Daughter (4 y/o): I am going to get dressed not now. Can I have a tablet? I've never had a tablet...  today.
Daughter (now singing, while performing an enviable downward looking dog yoga pose): Look at my bottom, my bottom, my big, big giant bottom!
Daughter: Mammy, can I go outside?
Mammy & Daddy (simultaneously): If you get dressed.

Frankly, the only surprising thing is how frequently this kind of interaction happens... ;-)