snow

It has snowed overnight. Things are white outside. This is clearly very exciting.

4 y/o (super excited and shouting): What the *snow* has happened?!?
5 y/o: You mean, what the f**king snow has happened?

I'm so proud. So proud.

Being a monster

Parenting is having every day littered with incomprehensible gems like this:

4 y/o (very excited, though I can't tell why): Now I can believe I am a monster!
Daddy: What?
4 y/o: Because I am a monster! In real life!

Who let the dogs out?

Heard shouted through the bathroom door. In the mind of my 7 y/o, and judging by the smell, perhaps 'the dogs' are a euphemism...

7 y/o (while sitting on the toilet): Who let the dogs out? Me! ME! MEEEE!

Both things I'm pretty good at...

While getting children to put pyjamas on and brush teeth before going to bed, the 9 y/o sings:

9 y/o (sung):
If I brush my teeth and then get naked,
Both things I'm pretty good at,
Except the brushing teeth part...
I'm very good at getting naked though.

We built this city...

I've been educating my children with the best of 80's music. The 4 y/o is traveling with my wife, but insists that she call me to ask a very important question:

4 y/o (absolutely seriously): Daddy, is this city really built from rock'n'roll?

Bad Parenting

9 y/o (at lunch): You're not a good parent, are you, Daddy?
Daddy: Why do you say that?
9 y/o: Because you wouldn't let us have chocolate spread sandwiches for lunch.

 You just can't argue with that logic.

Dimmer

4 y/o (in Winter, where it's started getting dark in the mornings): I wonder who switched down the sun?

Bee pee

4 y/o (at breakfast): We need the bees to pee on our breakfast!
Daddy: ???
4 y/o: So we'll have honey on it...

Millions of days

Today's breakfast conversation:
4 y/o (in full 4 y/o whining mode): Mammy! I told you I didn't want an adult spoon millions of times and millions of days!
5 y/o (he's also a bit of an expert at making up numbers): You only told her five times.
4 y/o: No - I told her millions of days.
9 y/o: We haven't even been alive millions of days yet.
4 y/o: Well, I told her at least ten times...

Space Unicorns

(Referring to a new Narwhale stuffed toy that the her older brother bought yesterday):
4 y/o: It's a unicorn! A space unicorn!
Mammy: Are all unicorns from space?
4 y/o (with absolute confidence): Yes! And also space Pegasii. And allicorns!