Space seagulls

Daddy: Why are you shouting?
S (5 y/o): I'm shouting so the seagulls in space will hear me.

Butts

Just a normal morning of new and innovative song lyrics from the 5 y/o:

"My butt, my butt, my female butt,
Ray, a drop of golden butt!"

"My butt, a butt, my lovely butt,
Ray, a drop of golden cheese!"

Tenfinity

I'm a little worried that I might have a future mathematician in the house. Today's breakfast conversation with the six year old:

S (6 y/o): What's the biggest number?

Daddy: Infinity. There is no number bigger than infinity.

S: No. That's not the biggest number.

Daddy: (quizzical look)

S: Tenfinity! That's infinity with a ten... Ten times infinity. That's a really big number, Daddy!

Legalese...

The children are setting up a monarchy, and my son is being sworn in as a knight. Eldest daughter has written the oath for him to swear in. She might have a future reading law...

I want to be queen

Sung by S in what I can only describe as 'epic rock' style (think a female meatloaf, except even more epic and committed - and 5 years old wearing a white fluffy dressing gown):

I've got to run away right now,
Run away from the world,
I've got to go back in time and do stuff that I have to do,
But it's too late to go back in time...

I want to be the QUEEN! (shouted)
(and back to singing, epically) But I'm only a princess.
The queen is never gonna happen.
With the memories in my head.

Getting dressed

I'm fairly convinced that one of the most difficult parts of parenting is attempting to ensure that your children are dressed in something that achieves appropriate thermal and environmental protection requirements, and also meets the minimum social requirements for being seen by non-family members:

Daddy: Will you please put some clothes on?
S (5 y/o, wearing only her fluffy dressing gown): I don't want to get dressed. I look good enough like this! (Gives a twirl to demonstrate, before running off singing)

If you get killed...

I'm explaining to C (6 y/o) that it's considered unhelpful to kill your teammate in a co-operative online game.

S (5 y/o): I know what you should do if someone kills you in real life: you should tell on them!
C (6 y/o): But if you're dead, you can't do that.
S (5 y/o): Well, if you're almost killed in real life, you should tell Mammy.

Poopies!

6 y/o (to the tune of "Go West" by the Pet Shop Boys):
  Poopies, fell out of the sky,
  Poopies, no need to ask why...

I'm unsure if I should be more concerned about the lyrics he has made up, or that he knows "Go West" by the Pet Shop Boys...

Superbutt!

5 y/o (while flying a doll around like Superman): Da-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na Ttthbp! SUPER BUTT!!!

Truly, our house has the best super heroes... though they do seem to get into somewhat unusual situations:

5 y/o (now singing): Oh no! Your face is all tied up!

Then, from the downstairs bathroom, the voices of the 10 y/o and 8 y/o sing out in musical harmony:

10 y/o & 8 y/o (singing from the downstairs bathroom): Let me peeeeee! Let me poooooop!
5 y/o: They're crazy!

Favourites

In case there was any question as to which is the favourite parent:

S (5 y/o): Mammy, you'll miss me when I'm dead. But if Daddy was dead it would be great. We'd have lots of fun.

Marriage

S (4 y/o daughter): When I grow up, I'm going to marry Daddy!
Mammy (curious and not at all defensive that the 4 y/o is attempting to steal her husband): Why is that?
S: Because he's very handsome.
Mammy: He is of course*. Why do you think that?
S: Because he wears lovely shirts


* This might be a slightly inaccurate transcription, but I like to think this is what my lovely wife thought, even if she didn't say it out loud.

My face

My son (6 y/o) is waving a Roblox character about 3cm from my face because I'm not paying enough attention to the marvel that is this plastic Roblox creation.

Daddy: Please do not wave things in my face.
C (6 y/o): Why not?
Daddy: Because I'm using my face.
C: No you're not.

Plurals

Parenting is contemplating the linguistic implications of:

"Roses is red,
Violets is blue,
Plurals is hard,
And grammar are too."

Reading

While discussing space and astro-physics with my son, who turns six today:

Mammy: You can read some of the books on space when we get home.
C (6 y/o): I can't, Mammy. I'm too busy reading Alastair Reynolds*.
Mammy: Oh. What page are you on?
C: Page one! Hmmm... maybe two. Or three.

* For reference, he has picked up Pushing Ice from Alastair Reynolds, which is really not targeted at the 5-6 year olds.

Not fire proof

C (5 y/o, while having his hair dried): I'm not fire proof, woman!