While making school lunch in the morning, and clearly considering the financial position of the school...
C (10 y/o): I want a Christmas orange. In Norway, oranges are very traditional at Christmas.
Me: Are they? They are very delicious.
C: Yes. In Norway, everyone at school gets an orange at Christmas... if the schools have budget.
S (7 y/o): I know that Santa is not watching me all the time?
Me: ???
S: Because he brought me loads of presents last year...
Can't argue with that logic...
I'm wearing a "Schrodinger's Cat" t-shirt, with the slogan, "Wanted: Dead & Alive" while eating porridge with S (7 y/o).
S (7 y/o): Zombies are dead and alive. (Thinks really hard about zombies for a moment.) I think zombies just want a hug. They walk around with their arms out because they like hugs. And they only say "Brains!" because they are hungry.
C (8 y/o): Daddy, if you work at McDonald's, do you get free food?
Me: If you work there over lunch time or dinner time, yes - you can eat there.
C: Cool. Then I know where I'm going to work when I grow up.
At the breakfast table this morning...
S (7 y/o): Daddy, Did you know that all your life, you've been making Weetabix wrong?
Me: ...?
S: First you put in two or three Weetabix, then you put Rice Krispies in the side, and THEN you pour in the milk. See?
We have got to stop watching 'clickbait' YouTube videos.
Being a parent #315...
Sometimes, being a parent is learning that if you go too far above your station, or overreach, there's nothing quite like a child to bring you crashing back down to earth.
It's dinner time, and I make some hugely hilarious Dad joke. Mirth ensues all around. But then I go too far, and the following conversation results:
Me: "You must be so lucky to have such a hilarious father, who tells such high quality Dad jokes - and who smells so lovely too."
S (7 y/o): "You smell terrible, Daddy! You smell like a rotten rat! A rotten rat that a skunk pooped on! And then the same skunk did a fart on you!"
D (12 y/o): "<Incoherent spluttering as she attempts not to laugh her mouth full of potato and freshly baked salmon all over the dinner table>"
Overheard from the kitchen:
S (7 y/o): "Mammy, you're much better than Daddy. You're even better than him at make-up."
S (7 y/o, thoughtfully): I'm a siúnicorn: half cat, half unicorn, and half person.
We're in the kitchen, talking about different expressions people use when someone sneezes, while C does his best to avoid emptying the dishwasher.
Me: "In Germany, when someone sneezes, you say 'Gesundheit', which means 'good health' - even though sneezing usually doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I guess people in the olden days didn't know as much about medicine as we do now."
C (8 y/o): "But Daddy, aren't you one of the people from the olden days?"
The 6 y/o has decided she will become a surgeon, while watching ER.
S (6 y/o): "I don't need to go to medical school. I can just learn everything from YouTube."
C (10 y/o, shouted at her younger sister): You're adopted!
S (8 y/o): You're a donkey too!
S (6 y/o, shouted while running down the stairs): It's okay! I'll use the scary bathroom!
I have no idea why one of our bathrooms is scary. None.
S (6 y/o): I'm good at hugging... except that one time I forgot.
Me: That sounds serious. What happened?
S: I forgot how to hug Mummy.
Me: Oh dear. Did you have to take some medicine or something?
S: Oh no. I just remembered again.
