Kneecaps...

 C (12 y/o): Ha ha! Joke's on you! I keep my kneecaps in my pocket.

Nope - I've literally no idea what inspired this comment...

Science... or prosecco...

The 8 y/o is carrying an arm loud of art supplies out of the kitchen and due to poor timing on her part, fails to operate the handle before kicking the door to open it. 

S (8 y/o kicks the door, which completely fails to open): *Thud*

S (8 y/o): Don't ask me why I almost broke down the door. The answer is always science. Or gin! Or prosecco!

I think her mother can be very confident that she has a strong influence on the children <tt>;-)</tt>

Buying love and affection

The 8 y/o is shopping with her grandmother, and doesn't really believe in subtlety...

S (8 y/o): "You can get love and affection if you buy us chocolate!"